Fears and desires

We perceive people through the filter of our fears and desires, as well as through the filter of our conditioning as to how we are supposed to view people. We project our fears, desires, and views onto others, and perceive them through these filters. What is a person really--when we see them without our filters? We don't know. That is the deeper truth, and that is where we must start. Then we can begin to let God guide us to truth.

One obvious example is how a man may see a woman through the filter of his sexual attraction and desire. Or a single woman may see another woman's baby through her desire to be a mother. In a work environment, we may see others through our fear of being fired, or being seen as inferior or incompetent.

We see ourselves according to an image, as well. And much of this image we have acquired through the projection of others, because that is how they wanted us to be--so we became that way to gain approval, and cover up the pain of vulnerability and inadequacy we felt. Since we were not loved for our inner self-- since no one saw that, understood it, or appreciated it, we formed an artificial self which conformed to the image others had of us or wanted us to be, which served their own desires and fears! Mother wants her child to succeed in the world because she never did, and felt inadequate. So she projects that fear of facing her inadequacy onto her child, and must see the child succeed (in the world) to make her feel good about herself. Then the child never feels loved for who he is inside, but only for the manufactured and synthetic image and behavior of a 'successful' person. Inside, both feel inadequate, and even more so because the message is that you're not good enough just being you--you have to be something artificial in order to be acceptable. This is a vicious cycle which must be broken by a few brave souls.

Here's one radical method for a small group:

Two or more people sit in a circle. One gets in touch with his immediate fears and desires, and verbalizes them. It may be, "I am feeling fear and anxiety right now. I want to say something smart so I appear competent and confident. But inside I just feel I want to be liked and accepted by you. I am scared I will be judged and rejected. I'm afraid that even saying this is wrong, and I feel ashamed about myself for even opening up like this. I have been running away from this place of neediness and vulnerability my whole life. Opening up is just bringing me more fear, but I guess since I feel safe to share it, it also brings comfort and trust."

Then you remember God's love and presence--that He is there listening and ready to take away the fear and replace it with healing love. The other person speaks as well…

About feelings

These are some of the feelings that we could have underneath the personality we use to relate to people: fear of getting/being hurt; need/desire to be liked/loved; guilt for past wrongdoings; shame; feeling inadequate, deficient, flawed, unworthy, worthless, unlovable; fear of being seen as wrong or bad or not good enough; fear of being rejected; anger/resentment towards particular people or towards no one in particular, or towards everyone; desire for all kinds of worldly security especially good health and material comforts; fear of illness, loneliness, death; afraid of making mistakes or being seen as weak; fear of God's punishment; various other unnamed and unspecified anxieties, fears, and desires.

Even if we speak about these fears and desires with someone, we often don't actually let ourselves feel the emotion as energy in the body--we are too busy explaining ourselves to the person. And when we're alone, we rarely are aware of deep emotional sensations, since our lives are filled with ways to distract ourselves from uncomfortable bodily sensations, especially ones that have a strong emotional charge.

Some would say what's the point of feeling things deeply? Well, what's the point of tasting things, or seeing things, or hearing? These senses are part of the body and have important functions. Same with emotions. They are put in our body to receive and reveal to us all kinds of information about the external and internal environment of the body, and they are used to respond to and relate to other people, to ideas, and to things all around us.

An important function of the emotions, I believe, is to apprehend the spiritual reality. We need to feel love, don't we? It is not just an idea in our mind. We feel hurt or loneliness, and then we want love, lasting love, is this not so? We feel an anxious feeling if we do something wrong, don't we? These are emotions revealing to us a response that we need to consider for our physical and spiritual survival.

Emotions have a magnificent and complex functioning we have yet to understand. Science is just beginning to appreciate the power of emotion in our lives. Too bad in the current social and economic system of frenetic struggle for material security and rampant escapism, we are unable to value emotions and regard their place in our lives. We have not learned how to manage feelings, and we are not taught their purpose in our lives. So we learn to ignore them, repress them, or appease our suffering with quick fixes to squelch any negative or painful feeling we may have. After all, we have an image to uphold for others, and this is the way we procure material advantage in this society. God willing, one day soon this trend will be reversed and we will learn how to manage and integrate our feelings, listen to their wisdom, and allow them to add depth, wonder, and healing to our lives.