Thursday, January 8, 2009

Techniques for lessening or loosening anger that we have toward someone:

1) Focus on and feel the anger and judgment you have for this person. Notice that you are angry or judgmental of his outer behavior--his false, ego shell. Inside, he is fearful and alone, and his behavior is just a compensation for this inner insecurity; he is just asserting himself in a world of scary, competing egos. He is just trying to fit in and be loved. His bad behavior is a result of feeling alone and unloved, so he lashes out at others in desperation. But inside, we are all weak, needy people, wanting love and acceptance. Try to love what is inside the person.

2) Feel the anger and judgment you have for this person. Don’t focus on your thoughts and judgments about him, such as what he does or did wrong, how he is not behaving correctly, how he hurt you, how you are right and he is wrong. But focus on the feeling of anger in your body. Feel it as energy inside you. Know that it is covering up a hurt, a need inside you. Underneath is a softness, a vulnerability, a hurt. Can you sense the hurt inside? Let yourself feel the neediness underneath, and perhaps even cry. It is you who is hurting, who needs love. We project onto others and hold them responsible for our inner hurts, and it comes out in the form of anger, judgment, and resentment. By holding others responsible for our suffering, we forfeit our power to heal ourselves.

3) Realize that you are angry and judgmental because your ego wants him to be different because of your unfulfilled needs. Inside, you are weak and needy, and you want a behavior from him which satisfies you in some way. Can you notice his behavior with detachment? He is still in the hands of God at all moments. Hand him over to God. It is not your job to be angry at him. Know that God will help us as we put our trust in Him. God created him, and He will help soothe your hurts and needs, and loosen your anger towards this person.

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