Pleasing people and God

We learn at an early age to please people and we construct a false self in order to get people to like us and to win their approval. We do this with parents, teachers, bosses, peers, and friends. Then of course we do it in intimate relationships. Then we get hurt, we get angry, and we rebel against the idea of pleasing people and submitting to the will of another. So we create another false self that does what we want, when we want, and says we're not gonna give our power to anyone. Then we become lonely, angry, and resentful. Neither created self is true. We don't even know who we are anymore. I'm afraid we never did, since we have always been posturing to gain approval and acceptance from others. We think we have to do something to earn love.

We relate to God in the same way. There is no direct relationship with God--it's always: well, what do I have to do? Am I good enough, did I do it right, what did I do wrong this time? There's a sense of guilt and inadequacy inside us, and we want to appease God to win His favor. Just like we do with people. Or we don't, if we're rebelling against that! Oh, if we're rebelling and angry inside, we might not even believe in God or we'll think religious people are all hypocrites (which may be true, but that's for another note). There is an honesty in this latter approach, but there is still a hurt person inside.

So, what do we do? I think we need to just face the fact and the feeling of being hurt and needy inside. We all want love and acceptance, whether it's from people, or from a 'God', which for most people is just a giant Parent. God is much more than that, by the way. We don't know how to just be, because inside we have such pain, guilt, and fear. But then that is what we have inside, so that is very much part of who we are. Yet, in this society, we can't just be hurt, needy, and guilty. How does that pay the bills? Who will like us if we're sitting there being hurt and guilty? Yet, just this is needed if we are going to progress spiritually and have authentic, loving bonds with each other and with God. After we get comfortable with all we are inside, we can realize that God is and always has been a shining bright Light of Love and Truth that exists whether we are a good boy/girl or a bad boy/girl, whether we have a happy face or sad face. He is constant, no matter what we think of Him, or what we think of ourselves.

If we can just cut through all our attempts at pleasing people and God, and get down to that core need for love, underneath our resentment and rebellion, our self-doubt and fear, we will have a possibility to find what we are all searching for. We have to support each other in reaching this kind of vulnerability, though, and it is no easy task. And if you can't do it, try not to think, "Oh, I'm not doing it right. This guy says feel my fear and neediness underneath my mask, and I can't, so I guess I'm no good." I really don't think I have that much influence on people, but my goal is not to make you feel worse! Unless it leads ultimately to your healing and freedom. Feeling our pain without guilt or judgment is usually the first step to healing it!